Thursday, May 28, 2015

Will wonders never cease?

Unbelievable !  Simply unbelievable... 65...I turned 65 today. May 28th, 1950 to Now! How the hell did that happen?  50, I could believe, but once past then I lost all recognition of any more passage.  It just didn't seem possible.  Old people get old, not people like me!  But past that indeed I went just like anyone else.  In this I am normal. Ha!

This is what I woke to :


My daughter left it so that I would find it first thing out of bed. The potato chips are a joke.  When she was little and things were tough for either of us, we would say...potato chips and squirt?  It was like a blues chaser.  I no longer care for squirt but who can resist potato chips, I ask you??  Especially when they say this:

I told her she couldn't get a card that cost any more than  $.99 - so she went to the dollar store and got me a "have a nice wedding shower" card, writing on the inside that I didn't not specify what kind of card! She always makes me laugh. So a laugh and flowers and a treat first thing is the way to start a great's the way I'd like to start any day!

E had been pushing the day before.  What are you going to do tomorrow to celebrate?  What are you going to do to recognize your birthday?  You know, Mom, this is a special day for you.  What will you give yourself?  I couldn't answer her because I couldn't quite understand. I had no vision - no experience to call upon.  But late last night a little bell went off in my head.  Suddenly there was a feeling inside of me of....adventure.  A kind of childlike feeling of anticipation.  The thought suddenly became real that I could give myself a gift.  That this was a beginning...65...a beginning. I could, if I chose, create something I had never seen before..never seen for myself.

I have struggled with a sense of deserving forever, always giving to others but never thinking that I could have what I gave.  Dreading my birthday as if it were a burden on others -  poo, pooing it as if it was of no importance, no significance.  And certainly giving myself no celebration.  In fact, giving myself nothing.

So this morning,  I made a list of all the things I wanted to experience today:

Mindfulness    -    envisioning a happy outcome for my life    -    loving being 65    -   breathing in the sweetness of all the things in my life that bring me love, strength, security, beauty, succor and sanctuary    -   and for the first time in my life,  giving this day to me.

First I made a lovely breakfast and miraculously got my tea absolutely spot on perfect...heaven.
I saw a happy face in the mirror as I prepared myself for joy.
I drove myself to my friend, Bernadettes' shop, purchased -Yes! - I actually bought myself something (wonder upon wonder) that was extravagant and beautiful and filled a gaping hole that had been left by the loss of all my beautiful things when I lost my home.  See below....

It's a lovely old English cabinet with a desk in the middle!  Bernadette is kind, kind, kind and let me have it for a Steal, and I don't mean that lightly. I had been hopelessly coveting it for months - and today there was courage in place of  sadness and longing. I get to pay for it on layaway, which will still take me forever as I can only afford a pittance a month...but still, I will have something to store my books in, someplace to sit and write and it will feed me with it's beauty. 

Then I went and bought myself a piece of  Double Chocolate Cake and a glass of cold milk and read my book for as long as I wanted.

Tomorrow there will be a picnic, E is off for the day.  There will be fried chicken, potato salad, corn on the cob and watermelon in the Rose Gardens at Washington Park.  (Google it - Portland, Oregon.)  What more could anyone ask for?

Now I am home to a quiet night and that is perfect too.
I achieved everything on my list - I am sated.

I'm realistic though,  things may slip back, things will slip back, but maybe not as far back.   And for tonight, they are not in the room. Tonight is safe and happy.


  1. Many happy returns of the day, and may that cabinet bring magic with it.

  2. Happy Birthday! Thanks for sharing the lovely events of your day. Sounds perfect.

  3. A
    Thank you. Yes it brings a bit of magic for sure.

    Thank you. A very good day...I needed one!

  4. Happy Birthday, dear beautiful Liv! I am so glad that you treated yourself. That cabinet is gorgeous -- may it hold unfolding treasure and may the year ahead be a rich one for you!

  5. Elizabeth,

    That just went straight to my heart.

  6. That is WONDERFUL!

    I am so happy to hear you were happy, and I'm so SO glad your daughter gave you a good day and you were able to get something really nice for yourself. No words for how glad I am!

    Happy belated birthday, my dear. Thanks for sharing yourself with us.

  7. SJ,

    What a dear friend you are! Yes, it was a good day - and I hope you are having good days too. Let us know how things are in your little world x

  8. Beautiful - you, the cabinet, your day, your daughter - all of it. Happy Birthday.

  9. Steph(anie),

    Yea! You stopped by! What kind words you've left, thank you.
    As always, I wish you were writing still. I miss the adventures of you life :)

  10. Happy, happy belated birthday Liv! I'm sorry I missed this gem. It sounds like a perfect day with the card and the flowers and the chips and the dresser and a meal I'm the park! I love it all. I wish you many more happy birthdays to come that are just as lovely. Love, Jo

  11. Jo,
    It is always sooo good to hear from you! Yes, I never knew birthdays (well, mine) could be so happy :)

    And belated or not, your comments always make me smile. Hope all is well with you too, Jo. Thank you so much :)

  12. Happy Belated Birthday! So glad you are celebrating and happy! I love, love, love your cabinet, what a wonderful place to store books and write to your heart's content. Love the potato chips and dollar store card too, how funny! I hope you continue to celebrate every day, and the whole year through. Give yourself everything, you deserve it! xo

  13. Belated Happy Birthday dear Liv, Hope that you had a great day... will be back to see you again, take care and feel the love.. J