Well, I'm glad that little storm is over, thanks for ridin' it out with me. Your comments and concern have helped immeasurably. What an amazing bunch of people you are! I couldn't reply that day because, well, you know what it's like.
I'm glad those storms only come once in a while. And that days of silly happiness are possible even if circumstances are not perfect, as they never are. Thank you all!
I think, for me, a lot of this anxiety (intensified by a shitty hard time in life) becomes more intensified because I don't eat much. Isn't that silly? I've gotten so used to eating small meals, due to that anxiety, that it never dawns on me that I am still hungry. My daughter, helped me realize that the other night when she made me list all the things I had eaten that day. All were healthy, but there just wasn't enough of them. And I cook, not all that often, but by the time I finish it, I'm not hungry. So today I went to the Deli and got ..... mashed potatoes and gravy, yes I did! It was soooo good, I ate the whole thing, and I bought ice cream. Neither one so healthy, but easy to eat lots of and I have to get my stomach used to that again. (well ice creams not a bulker, but damn it's good) Salad is just not going to do it.
I'm going back to see the surgeon tomorrow. This should be interesting, as I think this stupid expensive operation on my sinuses didn't really work. It's been a little over a month and I have done the yuk salt sprays every day, but I still sound like I have a stuffy nose from a cold. I also have a pretty raspy voice from an enlarged thyroid pushing against my voice box. It's due to radiation from breast cancer, so people are always wondering if I used to be a smoker......I think it's kind of sexy, raspy haha, so I really don't mind if it stays this way, makes me a bit interesting...like a scare on your face. I always wanted one of those too when I was young, just a little tiny one because lots of stars in the old movies had one and I thought, again....sexy/interesting. I wanted to be to be Piper Laurie - but I don't think she has a scar, come to think of it, she doesn't really have a raspy voice either, just deep. Mine is deep too, so, well, there ya go - the teenage mind.
I got the traditional red geranium plants at the nursery yesterday (an homage to my grandmother who had glorious ones planted all along the front of her house). A deep, true red not the orangey one. They just make me feel happy and connected to a good memory. That's nice.
I've been doing some meditating ---
lie, dancing...lie, thinking of moving my body --- well, I am seriously thinking of taking a walk. I actually have found a great place to walk here, it only took 2 years! It's mostly downhill (excellent for that nuisance osteoporosis) and not too much uphill to get back to the beginning. I'd have to draw you a map to explain it. I really get bad vides on most of the walks around here, it's weird. I've only seen a live person 2 or 3 times and that is just creepy -- too stepford.
So, onward and upward, Livy girl!!
And, an aside, as I almost always have one. I read this rant on Facebook the other day about how we are not supposed to call women "girl" anymore. It demeans us especially when used condescendingly by men, I get it, but the article went on to say we put ourselves down a bit when we use it with each other. I don't agree. Sometimes PC goes too far. I love to say girl - to girl friends and when joking - I just think it's sweet and conveys affection. So, girl, I'm gonna keep on. Boy...not so good, guy, good.
And I'm adding this one now, too, because if I don't I will forget it by the next post. I had a coke the other day, I wanted to have a little treat. Swear to God, I have not had one in at least 20 years. I just don't care for sodas. It was great, ice to the top, so refreshing. Thennnn, I had another one the other day, because the first was so good. Yesterday and today I am totally jonesin' for one. They are addictive!!!! I will not have another one for a long time, but I sure do understand the soda epidemic in this country. It took effort for me to say no - after 2! What it must be like for people who can't stop. I feel very sorry for them.
Thanks again -- and take good care.