Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Come in, would you like to see the house?

I was going to write a nice light post --- I'm trying to keep them that way for awhile --- so that people will think that I'm not a crazy, bitch.  I'll hook you and then we'll sit down for a real chat. I hope you understand my sense of humor.

I was going to write about my fucking stupid wonderful new roommate. He's a charmer. Sweet, smart, tidy as a pin. Washes every dish immediately, including mine (sometimes, it's not compulsory, although he can't stand to see them). I couldn't care less about dishes. I figure, save them up for awhile and then you'll get to keep your hands in a lovely sink full of warm and bubbly water while you daydream out the window. He's young and cute and quiet as a flag there. We had a long talk about length of tenancy and rules (landlords) and smoking (none!) and alcohol (light).

It turns out that people who walk so lightly that you never know where they are until you turn around, are actually rather strange people. He's sat in his room for three solid months - on his computer. He said he is a freelance programmer. Turns out there is no such thing, as far as I can tell because he hasn't worked a day since he got here.  He has consumed over 250 bottles and cans beer (freakin' expensive IPA's). I know this because I have schlepped them all to the recycling place myself. Now that is an adventure! You can get drunk just walking into that place, the fumes! And no, I don't keep the money. What is wrong with me?!

I just found out from the landlord, when he wrote to say that he is raising the rent to $1,600, that the shit darling gave his notice on the 1st, I found out on the 6th. He said he was going to tell me .... next week. Believe me, I can not afford $1,600 by myself. He say's he has not been able to find an $18 hr. job, he can't take anything less than that. (my eyes are totally crossed here) So he has depleted his $. The min. in Oregon is, in most cases $12. He could have paid his rent 2 1/2 x's over each month. Is the word entitlement coming to mind? He is from Mass. .... Mass. will be getting him back shortly.

So now I had to slap up an ad for yet another one and cross my fingers that someone out there thinks that mine is better than the 386 others. And that who ever that is doesn't creep around the house like a ghost - nor drink like a fish.

So I thought I would give a little tour of the house, since it is already posted online for the whole world to see. I am not showing his, oddly, crazy-messy room. I'm really not one to talk, as this is the super tidied up version. This doesn't even look like a real person lives here, but evidently that is how it is done. You're probably going to think I am a snob, but I am actually a slob. Somehow I am not able to put things back where they belong until I can't remember where they belonged in the first place.
well that's pleasant - I sit here and dream about having raspberry plants again
see, he washed the dishes, it certainly wasn't me
I like this room, although the only time I spend in it is when I toss all those pillows off onto the floor because I am too traumatized to sleep in my own bed. It's really comfortable so they don't usually go back on for several days, it's addictive.
I have never eaten a meal here because who wants to sit at a table this big all by themselves (odd word). I never eat at the kitchen table either. I eat in that chair there, where I also read. Sad. But the light is really good!
I didn't put this in the ad, but maybe I should, I'm going to rethink it. I killed that rug though, shampooed  it with one of those machines you get from home depot. It shriveled and shrunk like an old ladies boobs - had to throw it away. I miss it.
They don't need to see anything else. You wouldn't believe what other people show...bathrooms with the toilet seat god!

Ok, I'm trying to hold my head up and stop the already three days of torrential tears.   Do I look worried?  Believe me, I am.  I finally took a shower...4 days is enough. Thank Jesus for erase, I actually have purple/black circles under my eyes.  I have had at least 2 bouts of hang your head crying today. I'll probably, like in I will, have another when I go to bed tonight. Everything will be alright. Everything will be alright. Actually writing this did make me feel better.  Pray, pray, pray for a sane roommate for me, one who actually comes out of her room now and then.....noooo more men! And I promise to wash my own dishes.

    oh yeah, I cut my hair 

Listen, I am never going to write about politics or religion (probably). I leave it for others who are way smarter than me. But I do like to read about it, y'all inspire me and teach me to try to be a better person.  This is just not that kind of blog.



Saturday, October 28, 2017

Saturday night viewing, complimentary virtual wine and cheese served

I'm still here! I'm feeling so much better in every way, body mind and spirit. So I thought I would jump back in for a minute and instead of yakking on and on about all of that, I'll just give you a little bit about what I'm doing right now to keep it that way ... better.

I am painting!  I've been trying and trying to get back to this for 9 years. Thank god I never got depressed or hopeless enough that I threw the brushes or the paints away. I watercolor and watercolors are exceptionally versatile because they are so portable and they never get old! I have paints that are as much as 25 years old and all you have to do is add water, wait a bit and voila!

Taking a break from everything, and I mean everything, was/is healing. After a little while I began to breathe again and let me tell you how good air feels - in my lungs, my mind, my heart/soul.  I had no idea how shallow my breath was in trying to get to all these vital places.

So now I can hardly stop - painting.

This is a little bit of what I was doing all those years ago when I was painting pretty consistently..sort of. I was really afraid that I had lost it all. The first few attempts were a little scary, but once I started opening that door, I didn't care how good I was anymore. The thrill is addictive.

The first one I did (about 3 weeks ago) when I put water to the palette and picked up the brush was so bad that even Liz looked at it and said  "What is it?" We laughed almost to tears and I tossed it.  Which is a big deal for me because I used to be in the place, a long time ago, where I just wouldn't paint because I was afraid it was going to be awful and then I would be wasting paper.  Go figure.

These first 5 are from a long time ago.
I was painting in a pretty realistic style. I enjoy that, it's a real challenge to grab the subject and get it on the page as close as you can to what it really is.
This is not a mountain scene. Ha! It is a reclining woman done with a masking out technique.
Now that's a bum!

I love this little girl hold a bird, it's a very small painting and had to be done with a magnifying glass.  The pigeon one is actually one of my favorites, if not my most favorite of all. In person you could see each little hair on the feathers on the floor, they were exquisite. Sadly it was stolen from my estate sale when I lost my home. I think I will always mourn it's loss, it was very special. And no, when people say "Oh, you can always paint another." it's simply not true.

This last one is a true exact  copy of a very old painting of the facade of the Paris opera house.  I would have to take it out of the frame to get a really good photo of it, sorry that this is such poor quality.  But it was exhibited at the Portland Art Museum in the student foyer when I was taking some classes there (ions ago) and I was very proud of it! It's a very big painting and I was so poor that I framed it in cardboard that I painted and pretend gilded.

I like these and I will still use this genre, but I've been wanting to try something looser.

After the first "What is it?" try, I took a little time to really think about what I was doing with the brush, I'm being very cautious with the subject...but I used a big brush, pretty brave!
If you click on these they will, of course, enlarge. That will work with the older ones, but maybe not with these new ones as my camera is set at a ridiculously high level of pixels and I have to call android to figure out how to lower them, it's way down the list. So they may enlarge to mega and you won't be able to even see them. Sorry, but when posting, I don't see a way for me to know how they will turn out on enlarge.
A little bit looser, but not very adventurous.
This was crazy fun! I work from other paintings, mag. clippings and actual photos from the web. This is, obviously, a clip from a magazine. So it is a "copy" for lack of a better word. And while I am at it, I want to say that when I look at a painting, photo etc. I am not trying to copy the image exactly as the artist. Unless the work is antique and then it is legal to do so. I'm not trying to pass them off as "original" (but obviously I painted these - they just are not my original idea), hence, I could not/would not ever try to sell them. I am trying to teach my self technique so that I can figure out the process, which with watercolor involves a lot of calculation about what goes down first and then second, etc. to get the effect you are looking for. Transparency is an art in and of itself and timing is a real brain twister if it isn't so honed that you can do it like riding a bike. I fall off constantly.
And also, I'm not criticizing my work here in a way that would say - I feel bad about this, I really fucked it up. No, there is no failure here of any kind, if you miss getting something the way you wanted to, then that's just one thing you can cross off the list and lots of times you go back and forth and that's just how you learn.
I was trying to be "creative" here ...... I call it "You think you don't snore, but you really do" !
This is actually a very large painting, it's 26" x 22". I did it once before but I really like the colors so I tried again using the overlay and I think I did pretty good. I especially like this close up of the vessel.

Now, I'm starting to get somewhere.
I don't know why, but once I got that hair, all the splash of it and the freedom, then I knew the rest of it was a cake walk.

I don't think I'm ever going to be the kind of artist that does abstracts that are metaphors or expressions of deep spiritual of social issues. I've always secretly wanted to be, but it's just not in me. I like what I do, I'm very happy with it and especially it's constant evolution. And really, every painting holds it's own "message", they all speak.

So there you have it. I think you might be a little drunk by now, that was probably a three drink exhibit.

I'm going to try a bit more blogging, we'll see. The whole thing is so different for me now, I've still got to figure it out a bit more.

So glad to see you!

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Great and Sincere

It's a sad day for me.  I am suspending my blog and my Facebook account. I don't foresee being back until August or maybe later.  I'm not closing it, because I truly do hope to come back.

This is a very, very stressful time for me.  It's pretty much equal to loosing my house and my mom at the same time a  couple of years ago.

I'm finding it impossible to come here and share the details of this time and all the stress that comes with it. I feel that I bring too much unhappiness and want to come back with something positive to share. I'll feel a whole lot better when I am able to do that! With all that is happening in my life, I'm also not able to absorb what is being shared here and on Facebook.  I come away sometimes, confused and a little bit lonelier and that's not good for me. I need to find another way of grounding myself and I will, the god's are good.

There isn't a single person that I have met and been involved with here that I don't cherish. I have received so much and my gratitude is great and sincere.

I won't be answering any comments and will shut them down in a few days.  My email will stay open, I don't want to completely loose touch.

Summer is the best time to heal and I'm looking forward to that, I'm looking forward to filling it with good things!
                          Already, one of the good things. Early harvest from my little garden!
I hope yours is filled with all the good things too!

Much love and gratitude to all !

Friday, May 12, 2017

An Early Wish To Mothers around the world


               THANK YOU 💗

I post the following every year to honor all the mother's that don't fit the standard image or definition of what we think of when we think of this day. This time I want to add my best wishes also to those who mother, not recognized for what they contribute to the world.

You are seen, you of other genders who mother. You who mother your neighbors children. You who mother animals. You who mother through your financial contributions to children in need.  You teachers who provide mothering to children who might not receive enough at home. You who mother foster children. And for all the children who have to mother themselves. You are no less to be honored today than any other mother who gives succor and safety and Love.

               THANK YOU 💗

"Mothers in shelters. Mothers separated from their children for reasons they don't understand.  Mothers grieving at the graves of departed children gone before their time and mothers sitting at the beds of terminally ill children.  Mothers in prison and mothers separated from their children because of their own addictions.  Mothers without hope who are mourning children who have been taken by spouses who's whereabouts are not known. Mothers holding hungry babies in refugee camps. Mothers whose children have been hurt or disabled in ways neither they nor we can reason nor change. Mothers who have been forgotten by their children today. All mothers suffering every where in this world.   And most especially to mothers, who today, have lost a child."

               THANK YOU 💗


                photo by H.G. Kaiser circa 1915