When you least expect it, Buddha shows up with wisdom that knocks you on your butt **. Thank God.
"The root of suffering is attachment", so says my companion, that only my heart can see, across the table by the window. I find coffee shops to often be temples of wisdom. I'm not one to believe in God in an absolute sense, but Buddha is different. Like the I Ching, I listen, their words reveal and resonate in a way that my simple mind can absorb. I didn't ask for this knowledge, it just sits there, and I just sit there empty, open. What I had been asking for was someone else to fill a need, I craved it. The attachment to the outcome is suffering.
I have deleted the blog so I can not read or comment, but that is only for awhile. It is my job to take care of myself, to fill the space, no one else is responsible for that task. I will go back, soon I hope, because I love this blogger and I have no desire to end that loving. I'm a fool to walk away permanently and I need to let that lesson really sink in because I can not carry on with the things I need to accomplish in this life pulling a weight behind me. If I can keep my hands open to the grace, when I return, I'll return clean, with no needs. Practice, practice, practice.
A dear girlfriend of mine says that love is complicated and it is. I'm not going to be able to uncomplicate it. I want it in my life no matter where it lands up, no matter if returned or even accepted. Buddha is so right, attachment causes the pain. And probably, most likely, this love is actually returned, it just comes in a different door.
Keep it open.
**I do have a tendency to forget everything within about 48 hrs. practice, practice.