Sunday, September 18, 2016

Maybe my mind is way too visual

I don't know.  I've been thinking of writing this post for a long time, but I've always been too scared.  I guess I thought people will think I am a "goody two-shoes" (funnny saying). Or maybe that I am preaching or pointing fingers or simply being critical...oh, self righteous comes to mind.  But I'm pretty sure I'm not, I just want to express what I think - and I think a lot.  My daughter says that's not such a good thing. And lord, I just wrote a post that ended with the thought that we don't need to apologize for, nor edit what we think. That applies to me and everyone else that I am abstractly indicating here.

I have a very visual mind.  I've always been that way.  When I was little I could see intense images when someone told a story, to the point of getting a chill, physically, when there was a story about cold or rain. Or having to shield my eyes or blink when there was talk of a hot summer day that someone remembered. It's weird. I don't always like it, but sometimes I do, very much. And I can get pretty agitated with images when there is a mention of violence.   Although I like to watch Kung Fu  movies...so gheez, go figure.  Don't think I haven't been told I'm contradictory.

So anyway, lately, well, a long lately, I've been bothered by two words. Two words commonly used so it's hard to get away from them.

Motherfucker
Douche  (bag)

They're used as expressions of anger, violence, disgust, condemnation, frustration, to humiliate or maybe to express in an abstract way something that the sayer just can't find other words to describe. And I suppose maybe even in humor, oddly.

I see very intensely someone fucking a mother. Your mother, my mother, their mother...mothers.  I can understand a man saying that who hates women in general or, tragically, his own mother.  But mothers are sacred. Is that fact suspended? Is it negated in the moment, is it forgotten or is it simply not believed at all?  I wasn't especially close to my mother, we suffered a lot in our relationship. I can not say that I hated her,  (and I'm not delusional enough to think that I don't hate, I do hate somethings)  but no, I would not want that to happen to her, in violence or anger and certainly not to humiliate her. I'm not sure why women say it.

And douche, douche bag.  Once again, it's about women.  This is something private, very private that women do to take care of their bodies.  Especially in terms of menstruation, a sacred thing in my opinion, and maybe necessary after birthing and then there's sex.  It is private, something that I think should not be discussed with any motivation of anger or disgust or whatever else that is negative and seeks to dishonor women.

I see them, the mothers, the women, when I hear those words.  I see it happening to them, a violent sexual act. I feel their pain, physically.  I feel a woman's embarrassment when such a private activity of cleansing is exposed.  My body actually gets hot with the implied shame.  I feel intensely the vehement disrespect when a man uses them, well yeah, even sometimes when women do (who I think are maybe not even thinking of women)  Whatever...  All I'm saying is that it stops me. Stops my thinking for a moment and replaces it with feeling. A feeling I don't like.

Everybody has a right to say whatever they want in whatever meaning or intention.  I'm not arguing that. And I certainly use the word fuck, it's part of my everyday language, but I'm getting a little tired of that too.  And my daughter never uses it, astounding to me given the fact that she's heard it all her life.


Women seem to be using them a lot now, like I said, I'm not sure why.  I'm not sure of the intention behind it when it comes from a woman.  These words have obviously become a part, even a casual part, of our vernacular.

I don't know, maybe I'm a prude (what exactly does that word mean..?).  Maybe I'm just not with the times. I adore some people who use it and I am frightened by some who do.  Perhaps I am too sensitive, that's probably the most used description of me.

I know those words are not going to disappear from common use.  I'm not trying to change that, although I would like it to change.  But I also know I can't stop being such a visual person and sometimes it's a real fucking drag. So these two words make me very sad.
Just sayin'.

22 comments:

  1. I agree with you that those words are ugly. I think I may be giving up using "fucking" as an adjective, too.
    I don't like hearing kids say it.

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    1. I didn't think of that, A, but you're right it really hits me wrong when I hear kids say it.
      Why do we say things we don't want our kids to say?

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  2. I think we all have words that don't sit right with us because of visuals or the uncomfortable feelings that arise. I'm glad you wrote about this. It is interesting and thought provoking.

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    2. I wish more people would think about their words before they speak...that would include me.

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  3. hi..i have been reading for a while but never commented. But I wanted to say ...yay for you! What I have noticed is how people use these words in their blogs...maybe leaving out the mother part. Why??? Are they trying to shock? I am far from being a prude and say the word occasionally myself but really...it is a complete turn off when I read it on a blog....excluding this post, of course.

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    1. Thank you so much for the comment, city gal.
      I know, I'm beginning to think so much more of the definitions lately. Maybe time to consult the Thesaurus.

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  4. I hate both words with a passion. Very rarely swear myself, unless I have a good reason to, but on the whole, a good old "f..." does the job. :-)

    Greetings from London.

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  5. I am finally reading/posting.

    I don't use either term but I do use curse words in my blog. I haven't given it much thought but maybe that's why I only have about 20 readers. I swear at home and almost never at work. Except for a client a few years ago that had dementia that would roar with laughter when I would ask her where her fucking socks/bra/soap/toothpaste etc was.
    I do have a question for you though after reading your post. Are you Highly Sensitive? I ask because you mentioned such strong reactions to things. I will get the link you in a different comment. I don't know how to open another window on my iPod.

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  6. http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

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  7. Well all of those twenty love you dearly!

    Yes, I have taken that test, and I'm sure you won't believe this...by I test v e r y on it..hahahahah, true x

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  8. PS: you wouldn't believe what smells do to me !!!

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  9. Just read your previous post. My brother Andrew died from ALS

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    1. I'm sorry to hear that, John. It is truly a devastating disease. I'm so sorry for your lose. I hope your brother died with some peace.

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  10. At last, I've found a blogger I can relate to. I hate swearing and it really makes me feel bad when I hear (mainly) youngsters using the 'f' word in everyday conversation. As for me, if I ever swear then people around me know that something or someone has really upset me. Swearing, when used as a part of every day conversation, loses its meaning and impact. It no longer has any ability to shock or mark anything of significance. Thank you for showing this to me.

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    1. Yippee! A reader from England, one of my favorite places.
      I agree with your last sentence there about it loosing it's ability to shock. I need to pull it back in my everyday speech too...there's got to another word..:)
      Anyway, welcome and thanks for the comment!

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  11. My favourite 'other word' is 'Oh clumpy kitty litter' It helps because as well as relieving tension, it makes me laugh too

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    1. Leslie,
      Truly, I just cleaned the cat's litter box, so now that will be one of my favorite words too ! :)

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  12. This post made me think about something I do without thinking, which is swear too much. I grew up a potty mouth, worked in a man centric swearing environment for years where you had to act the part and cursing became the norm. I cleaned up my act for the kids, but they are grown now and potty mouths around their friends.

    I never made the visual connection to the actual term, but now I will probably leave the mother part out from now on! And I've always hated the word douche, along with panty. They just sound gross.

    Keep taking the high ground, and setting a higher bar for better manners. We could all use some more civility.

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    1. Mel!!
      It's so nice to see you, there's a hole here, in this blogger thing, when you disappear.

      Panty, that's the one I missed. Gawd, it makes me cringe when people say that, the connotations! We all wear underwear, folks.

      I hope your life allows you to stick around for a while. Your comments are the best and I've missed your beautiful posts. I'll bet you've taken about 50,000 photos since the last time we saw you!

      Stay in touch, girl. x

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    2. Thanks liv! Actually It's at least 5000 photos, and if I could just get them off one device on to another, and stop obsessing about edits or which of the 10 shots of the same thing to pick, I just might get some posted. Thanks for the encouragement! xo

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