Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Begin as you mean to go on

What a year that was.  It was full of things that I hope to never revisit. And several that made it worthwhile.
Hedy says it well, tough roses.

I lost a couple of friendships, but I reconnected with one of the best I've ever had.

An operation on my face, and it worked out great.
Breast cancer, 2nd time, well 3 if you count the one where the tumor was benign. And good ending result!
I cried and suffered that one. But then I got up and I took care of myself and I didn't hardly lean on anyone. That part kind of changed me.   ----  The after care was ok too. Hospitals can be very scary and painful places but they are also places where you go in with a bad something and come out better.
A crazy roommate, and a great new one - makes up for it all.

My daughter left home, in a not so good way. But she's settled and happy so the first part doesn't count anymore. 

1/2 dozen things went wrong with the car. But most of them weren't very expensive (meaning - there was one whopper) but that dear old girl keeps going along. Sadly she's beginning to look her age but so am I. As long as she hangs in there for me, I'll do the same for her.

The rent got raised stupid high. But by the grace of my mother, her passing gift will get me through.

I had a painter's block (well actually, for the last 8 years...). But it broke just in time. That might have been the best one of all.  

And fuck, of course, there was the whole nightmare of trump. But I have not succumbed to panic and deadly depression. 
I'm approaching this one like Maud (Maud Wagner, pioneering first female tattooist, 1911), fresh roses, head held high and I'm going to do even more to be the me that I really am - brave.

I'm going to sell some of my art. I'm going to get out of the house more. I think I will have to do the latter to accomplish the former.
I'm going to learn enough Korean to be able to be gracious to the couple that own the Korean restaurant. And I'm going to eat there. 
I'm going to resist even harder, against the maniac with the button.
I'm going to create even more than painting. I have more tricks in my bag.
I'm going to fucking change my name!!
I'm going to try to let go of more of the anger and rampaging resentment towards my family...don't expect miracles.
And I'm going to do a lot more things, but I can't remember what they are right now, and several that I haven't even thought of yet.

Let this new one be filled with opportunity and revelation, comfort and clarity, accomplishments, fun and victory for all of us.

And love, lots and lots of love.



  1. More power to you, sister! I will follow your journey and wish you well every step of the way.

  2. I really like that last on. "And I'm going to do a lot more things, but I can't remember what they are right now, and several that I haven't even thought of yet."

    I can't remember shit either:)

    Happy New Year:)

  3. a tough year for a lot of us. so let's start out this one kicking ass and taking names.

  4. This is a very fine report. Here's to 2018! xo

  5. What a great post! You go, girl.

  6. Thanks for sharing the pic of Maud Wagner. A new hero! You sound great. That makes me happy.

  7. Well, it's all there, the heartbreak and the beauty. And you made it, got through it sane and safe.
    I have no doubt you will make the most of a tremendous year. You show me how it's done Liv!

  8. I'm going to do even more to be the me that I really am - brave

    Yes. You are!!! For surviving and living and parenting and being the best you can. You’ve survived things most don’t. And with such grace and kindness to others. I am proud of you.

    I’ll buy some art.